A pretty woman hurries across a busy street carrying a load of books from the bookstore. A man is crossing at the same time but is looking down at his phone. The camera pans in as they dramatically bump into each other. Her books tumble to the ground and his phone falls on top of them. In comes the haunting, piano melody, joined by violins. They regard each other, blinking. It is love at first sight. Welcome to the American chick-flick. The women in the audience heave a collective sigh while the tortured men sitting next to them clutch the arms of their seats trying desperately not to drool or drop their heads.
In a world where Facebooking has replaced the bar scene and speed texting has replaced actual phone conversations, it’s no wonder most women feel out of touch in the dating arena…and at odds with themselves when questions arise about the man they are currently dating. Here are 5 important red flags to heed right away.
He Talks Only About Himself
Meet Mr. Me-Dude. He’s smooth and hotter than an Arizona taco stand in August. He is engaging, charismatic, confident, cool. Only problem? He keeps reminding you of it every five minutes. You’ve just sat down at a trendy restaurant but he’s already laughed, joked, and reminisced about himself throughout the chips and artichoke dip, and keeps on going. You let him go on, hoping he’ll wind down. He doesn’t. You reach for your margarita and realize you’ve already sucked it down and gnawed part of the lime rind away like a desperate, rabid dog…and he’s STILL talking. If after your entree arrives, you’ve already contemplated three different ways to commit suicide with your fork, it’s time to take your leave of Mr. Me-Dude.
A man that just meets you and is truly interested should be motivated in discovering YOU. He will want to know what makes you tick, not blow his own horn in your face all evening. If this is how it starts off, it will only get worse because the relationship will ALWAYS be about Mr. Me-Dude.
If you get stuck on one of these dates, do what a girlfriend of mine did. Excuse yourself to go to the bathroom. While in there, text a friend and ask them to call you right back. Make sure they are aware that this call is strictly “operation bad date removal” and when the call comes in at the table, excuse yourself from the date gracefully. The cool thing about Mr. Me-Dude is that he won’t even notice you’re gone.
He Openly Flirts With Other Women in Front of You
Let’s face it: everyone flirts. There are times when a little harmless flirting is cute and even fun. What’s not a laughing matter, however, is Mr. Charming. Notice how I did NOT say Prince Charming. Mr. Charming is the silver-tongued devil your Mama warned you about. This guy collects women on his Facebook page like a farmer collects vegetables. He openly flirts in front of you – or worse – behind your back. Another terrible brand of Mr. Charming is the one that does this behind your back, knowing later that you will see evidence of or hear about it. This is unacceptable behavior to a woman (like you!) with standards and boundaries. Remember this little rule: what separates Mr. Charming from Mr. Right is that Mr. Charming is a repeat-offender. He has more than likely already engaged in such behavior before, either with you or his relationship before you.
First, check your gut; what does it tell you? How does it make you feel when he does this? Are the flirts something you’re willing to live with? If after deep reflection, you feel his flirting is harmless enough, carry on but tread carefully. Dating a Mr. Charming can be heavy on the heart. On the other hand, if his flirtations are lewd and suggestive, run, don’t walk. He is not satisfied and seeking validation. If this is how he does you in plain sight – what will he do behind closed doors?
He Hides You
Does your date jump when his phone rings? Is he too territorial about his phone? Are you an item now but his relationship status on Facebook still states that he’s “single”? Then you must be dating Mr. General. In other parts of the U.S., he is referred to as ‘Vanilla-Guy.” He takes you out, he’s respectful, but for some reason, you have never met his friends or one of his family members. Beware. Something is holding him back from introducing you to his world. Find out what it is. If he back-peddles or refuses, you are being hidden away – and I don’t mean like an Easter egg, sister. Easter eggs are meant to be found.
He is Rude to Other People
Ever overhear a guy give the shut-down to a waiter or complain endlessly about the chip in his coffee cup or the amount of mushrooms in his Chicken Marsala? If you have, then you’ve been exposed to a dandy of a date called Mr. Knuckles. This guy is a piece of work. The thing to remember is that one day, that horrible treatment will be directed at you.
There’s nothing more confusing than Mr. Knuckles. He’ll tenderly hold your hand as you both wait in the bar for your table. But then he yells at the poor waitress that’s trying to hurry by with a huge platter of desserts, just so he can complain.
Another example of Mr. Knuckles is the one that honks at everyone. A friend of mine never called a guy back or returned his calls after they hung out one day and in the span of five minutes, he had a laid on his horn four times….and they were in the parking lot. Enough said.
Your Dog Hates Him
There is something to be said about a dog or cat’s sixth sense. This also goes double for young children. Hopefully, your relationship has not progressed far enough for your kids to meet him but if it has, and they don’t like him AND your dog keeps barking? Not a good sign.
Make sure you investigate this further. How is he acting around your pooch? Is he avoiding the dog, uninterested, or scared? Whatever the case, this phenomenon has been tested, approved, and around for years. Ask yourself this: If he’s not good enough for your best friend, will he ever be good enough for numero uno?
5 Great signs He’s Totally Into You
- He’s told his parents about you.
- You always get full-on PDA wherever you go with him.
- He takes a genuine interest in your work and hobbies.
- Your friends approve of him.
- He sat through another sleep-inducing, completely unrealistic chick -flick with you again and didn’t drool into your popcorn.